This is something very foreign to me in the past year or so.
I. Am. In. Pain.
I'm not gonna sugar coat it - my body is screaming. I have to brace myself in order to sit down and use my arm strength to push me back up once I'm down. Yeah, it's like that. I feel old and out of shape. "Bootylicious Buns 2" is burning.
But today, I'm not going to give a cheesy analogous story about how working out is like the spiritual life. That's been done. Overdone. Burnt to a crisp even. Toasty. No thank you.
Instead, I have a confession, which I think I've confessed already. And since this isn't a Sacrament and forgiveness from the Big Guy is not really applicable for this form of story telling and satire, I will confess again, and some more.
I love to pretend I'm a singing star...in the bathroom. I really do. I'm guessing you or someone you know does too. "Your friend" probably grabs a hairbrush and gazes into the mirror using pop star moves here and there. Not me, though. Nope, I pretend I'm on Broadway. As of late, my Broadway jam has been "I Know It's Today" from "Shrek the Musical". (I'm very street.) Granted, I've never seen in, but I heard a song or two and proceeded to buy the soundtrack...on iTunes...on my iPhone...while I sat in the terminal waiting to catch a flight a few weeks ago...so I could listen to it on my flight. (Yes I liked it that much.) Below you can watch/listen to the song. Just push play, enjoy and read on...I'll wait.
Oh good, you're back. So here's the dealio. Fiona (who, now that I think about it, might be one of my favorite princesses of all time because she's stubborn, a lady, tough, strong-willed and weak all rolled into one) has been locked in a tower since she was a wee little lass (spoken with a Scottish brogue for emphasis) and has been awaiting the Prince Charming she has been reading about for God knows how long. She has this idea of what her own fairytale is going to look like...PC comes climbing up the wall into her room (much like Sam did with Clarissa in "Clarissa Explains It All"), kisses her, they fall madly in love and he whisks her away to live happily ever after.
If you haven't ever seen "Shrek"...spoiler alert...it doesn't happen like that. I mean, the basic gist is there, but it doesn't pan out like Fiona thinks it will.
Fiona gets "rescued" (she would use that term loosely) by an Ogre with no manners or control of his bowels and his sidekick Donkey, plans on marrying who she thinks might be PC, but ends up falling in love with the one who originally got her out of the tower and she turns into an Ogre after "true love's first kiss" and they live ogrely ever after...not exactly what she had in mind whilst she sang in the tower for those 8,423 days.
Anyway, I love pretending to be Fiona in the mirror, acting like I'm singing with a stellar voice in front of a packed Broadway house. I love this song. I love the irony of it. I (being the all-knowing audience member to the song) know that what Fiona is singing about isn't exactly what's lined up for her. (I wonder if that's how God feels when we make plans and He laughs.) The thing is, like I said before, she's got the basics right. She gets rescued, I mean he shows up, and they do fall in love but not in the time she assumes it'll be in.
Don't we do the same? We have an idea of how our own fairy tale should pan out. Chances are, because God's timing is perfect and ours clearly isn't, it won't work out like the Hollywood-romantic-comedy-script we have already jotted down on a bar napkin. I can testify to that. It won't. It doesn't. God's a better writer than me.
And another thing: we always compare our stories to other people. Maybe it's a princess, maybe it's a friend, maybe it's nobody but our own creative juices, but we compare. And when our story isn't reading the way someone else's, we get distracted/depressed/defeated. But really, who wants a repeat? If God speaks to us differently, if He gives us different gifts and talents, if He loves me uniquely, why wouldn't He write me a unique fairy tale? I like that Fiona has one-hell-of-a-surprise in her story. I am a fan of the surprise...only the good kind, but let's face it, a lot of surprises in our stories are not necessarily very pleasant.
Sometimes I can get so caught up in the first draft of my story that I think I miss out on the plot line that has been planned. I look at the details and forget the bigger picture. I try to scribble in my own ideas, and while they are appreciated, I'm an amateur writer. I make suggestions, plead prayers, fight with the Director, but at the end of the day, what do I know? I mean, I know stuff. Please don't think that this is a "Becca is depressed and hates her story" piece. It's not. It's a recognition that I'm a meager blogger in the story of my fairy tale.
Fiona had to wait...a long time. I did the math, and Fiona was in the tower for 23+years, assuming she went in the day she was born. She was alone for 23+ years. Barf. As an extrovert, that sounds like my own personal hell. But dang it, Fiona waited it out. She was hopeful, patient, impatient, jaded, lovestruck, irrational, etc. She was human. But, she stuck it out. She knew the basics of her fairy tale, she knew of the prince that would come and the "Happily Ever After" that was coming and (if I were to psychoanalyze her a bit) I think that because she got caught up in how other princesses stories panned out, she compared hers too much and put herself through more misery than was necessary.
I guess the moral of the story is, while God gives us points in the plot line, He wants to write us each a unique fairy tale. AND, He doesn't want us to compare ourselves to others' stories. AND, He probably wants us to be patient with the Writer...He wants it to be perfect.
Take heart, Fionas of the world - whether your a Fiona in love, work, school, hobby, aspirations whatever. Keep practicing your solo in the mirror. God delights in our silliness and he wants us to delight in Him too...He gives us the desires of our hearts. It's in your contract with the not-so-fine print of Psalm 37:4.
Homework for today: read the story of Tobias and Sarah in the book of Tobit - fairytale of the Bible. But don't compare yourself. And ask Archangel Raphael to be your guide along the journey of your own fairy tale.
THank you for that blog...!
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